An Adventure in Networking

Networking.

I am sure I am like so many others. But this is a new discovery. I thought I was the only woman who totally submerges herself in her daughter’s life, her own career, and her own marriage to the detriment of every other aspect of a social life. When I was trying to find my way through a divorce, I had no support system. When my daughter went away to college, I muddled through those emotions. I am a high school teacher and for so many days I would hardly see any person over the age of 18. Because I moved into the district where I teach, many of the teachers had already formed their own support groups and memories of many years. Again, for the most part I was going it alone.

A year ago, I decided I was not going to go into retirement or the next phase of my life alone. I decided to look into other groups outside of my workplace where I might find some new colleagues. I first ventured nervously into a group called The Transition Network (TTN). I like the mission statement they had set up for the group.

The Transition Network is a community of women over 50, who join forces as they navigate the transition from one career to another -- or whatever is next.

This is not a red hat organization, not that this not a good organization, but it is a group of women who are looking to do something meaningful and have the social aspect along with it. We seem to be in a new phase of life where golfing all day every day is not an option. We have careers and are looking to do something new, explore, and perhaps conquer our fears of what being fifty and older means. I remember what fifty looked like for my mother and my grandmother. For my mom, she took up golf. She became good at golf; she had two holes-in-one plaques to prove it. She continued with her other crafts and gardening. My grandmother had been a nurse. But that was early on. I only remember her playing cards with friends and cooking. But for us, who have defined ourselves by what we have accomplished in our careers and for what our children have become, it’s different. I hear so many times, “I don’t want to play golf a lot.”

I have also joined another group called “Dames Bond”. The slogan for this group is “When dames bond, dames thrive.” The synergy whenever I go to a function is amazing. These women are in private practice or business owners and entrepenuers of a plethora of business themes. When I need something done, I just look in the directory for the service I need.

It was hard to reach out at first. It was really uncomfortable to stand or sit in a room where I didn’t know anyone. But I don’t feel that way any more. I certainly do not feel I am the only one about anything.

Relationships

Boy what a loaded word. I guess due to my writing relationships have really been on my radar lately. I have discussed relationships and observed people as they discuss them. Short-term marriages (under 10 years), long term marriages, relationships between parents and teenagers, and relationships between women.

So far I've decided they are all really tricky especially in times where money is scarce, and people are just on edge add the extra amount of heat, I'll take bets domestic violence is up. On the news this morning the anchors seemed amused when they relayed a news story about alcohol consumption being up especially vodka.

It would be fun to hear from people who are coping with the important relationships in their lives. How do you deal with maybe a spouse who says there is not enough money but goes out and plays a round of golf, or grown up mean girls, wanting to buy new clothes for your teen but realize that would shatter the budget.

The Graduation Ceremony

High School Commencement

According to Dictionary.com, it is the ceremony of conferring degrees or granting diplomas at the end of the academic year. The statement is so simplified in the dictionary. For some students, it is that simple. These students are the academically blessed students. Or they are the students who are strong in one area and have managed with Bs in others. They have had successes in school starting in kindergarten through high school. In the senior year of high school, they have been accepted to a college or university that will launch them to further success in their field. Now they have maybe had a disappointment or two or three at this point, but nothing that they will remember in six months. Commencement, for all, will symbolize the pull and tug of values, which have occurred for all during the school experience.

For some parents and students, the definition is not so simple. Students with special needs such as aspergers, autism, ADHD, hearing difficulties, dyslexia, and behavioral problems, it is a day of relief and celebration. At this point of the educational process, it does not matter why the difficulties occurred. It has been a journey for the soon-to-be graduate and his or her family. Even in great school systems, there have been road bumps. The diagnosis path could have been an uphill climb for some, convincing the educational system the student had difficulties could have been an issue. There could have been parents or teachers who have fought the diagnosis or the process for a multitude of reasons. Some how the student has come through it all. A lot of learning has occurred for everyone involved. The student has touched many people and has learned from even more. And now, the student will complete thirteen years of schooling and be handed a diploma.

Some parents and students will acknowledge and accept the ceremony as solemn and dignified. They will celebrate after the Board of Education accepts the graduates and their collective accomplishments. Others will whoop and holler and start celebrating when they hear their student’s name – causing the next set of parents not to hear their student’s name. Some soon-to-be graduates will interrupt the ceremony with beach balls and silly string because they have mixed this up with another opportunity to pull a belated senior prank, spoiling the ceremony for others and their families. Some families will boo at the professionals who have the job to stop the beach balls; some families will applaud those same professionals.

The definition of commencement is simple. But the process to get to and complete the commencement of schooling is anything but.

Is it about dancing or self respect

Self-esteem among teens is always tenuous at best. Every minute of every day brings a multitude of risks to a modern teen’s ego. A teacher can say something that a teen takes to heart, a boy can laugh as he walks by a girl; she thinks he is laughing at her. A parent may be upset about an issue at work and spout off about how the teen thinks everything is just handed to him or her, or facing a blemish in the morning can spell complete disaster. Chaperoning the prom this year was a telling event. The dancing style from year to year changes, but the trend of “grinding” makes me overwhelming concerned for the self-esteem and respect of our high school teens.

The new way of dancing for someone who does not know is the girl faces out while the boy faces her back. Their hips sway and sway together. Some teens are taking it to the extreme and to save everyone the specifics, it takes on the impression of a standing lap dance.

In the news many schools are trying different methods to stop the new “grinding” trend. In Brunswick, Ohio, a principal is asking students to sign a pledge to not grind on the dance floor. The enforcement is difficult at best. In January Menonmonee Falls, Minnesota, administrators and staff tried to ban the dancing. Students reportedly boycotted the dance and supporting parents decided to hold an alternative dance a few weeks later. In Springfield, Ohio, last night Chris Shaffer, campus director at Springfield High, says students must now sign a consent form of “Dance expectations” each time they go to a dance. This includes this year’s prom May 15. Shaffer even offered ballroom dancing lessons during lunch periods to teach students alternative types of dancing.

The real issue isn’t about dancing; it might be about respect. Respecting yourself and respecting your date might be a more effective of way to look at the issue than signing a pledge. With teen pregnancy rates being up for the first time since 1991 according to the National Institutes of Health, something has to be done to help these kids realize their culture is not healthy. Parents, coaches, advisors, and teachers have to send the same collective message to assist teens in knowing that the decisions they are making now can affect their health and well being for the next 20 – 40 years.

Suburban drug threat

The Delaware County Sheriff’s Office arrested a Powell mother for allegedly trafficking heroine out of her home April 29, 2010. In some neighborhoods, it would not have even raised an eyebrow. But on the north side of Columbus in an area that would be considered the affluent section of a housing development, it is astounding. How could this be? People move to the suburbs and believe that their kids are safe from this type of influence. This is no surprise for the officers who work in drug enforcement. They are not surprised that there are drugs in the suburbs, but are surprised that people would think their kids are safe from drug influence in the suburbs. Street Smart program officers who work in tandem with the Dare program and the Franklin County Sheriff Special Investigation Unit tell in their 4-hour program that drug pushers are entrepreneurs. They simply go where the money is. Why would they go to the urban streets and sell a bag of brown heroine for five bucks when they can sell it to the kids who have more money in the suburbs for twenty-five? Any organization can see this presentation by emailing StreetSmart. Find more information about this program on the Franklin County Sheriff Department website http://www.sheriff.franklin.oh.us/

Every parent should acquaint themselves with the website of Drugfree.org. It will tell a parent what the growing trends are. The parent that goes to this website will learn heroine is the growing trend in the Northeast. Most likely it is not just growing in the cities of the Northeast.

Prama

Prama

If you have not experienced it, you may have consoled someone or seen someone experiencing it. It starts out about a month before the big last dance of a senior’s year.

The signs are streaked mascara, huddled ladies hugging, an ecstatic smile, a boy carrying a rose in school looking a tad nervous, or a car with a painted Will you go to prom with me? in the high school parking lot.

Marking my twentieth prom this year, I do have to admit girls are so much smarter than when I was in high school. If a girl really wants to go to prom, she can find girl friends that have decided not to suffer through the night alone. They prep together. They look beautiful. They go out to dinner. They enter the prom and dance, giggle and laugh. From what I have noticed, a girl who goes with her girl friends does not end up in the ladies room crying. They go to After Prom. Days later, they are still laughing and pouring over the pictures they took of the evening.

I commented on the girl in the ladies room crying. This young lady has sometime decided this was going to be the best night of her life. Her expectation of this night most likely was unreachable in the area of romance and fun. All this depended on a high school boy who somehow was supposed to know how to act sophisticated and romantic over night. As the young lady has spent her day getting ready, he most likely started getting dressed an hour before he was supposed to pick her up. There is a good chance his mother ordered the flowers for the evening. He did; however, with friends make arrangements for dinner and bought the prom tickets at school. But still, while she was expecting the bachelor with the rose, she has in reality Scott or Jimmy whose mom just helped him with his tie.

I wish I could tell every girl to lighten up and just go and have fun. To wear shoes they can really dance in and not have to take them off every time they get a chance. To look for ways to save and not spend so much because it adds pressure to have fun. But in the meantime, I will carry tissue for the little girl in the ladies room.

Partnership for a Drug-Free America Latest Study

From all over the United States, it is being reported that prescription drugs and teens are mixing more and more. A news station in South Bend, Indiana reported on March 9, 2010, fourteen percent of the seniors in St. Joseph county had admitted to using prescription drugs prescribed for someone else. Police sargeant Bill Redman said teens think prescribed drugs are automatically safe.

In Oregon's Mid-Williamette Valley, teens are pilfering the prescriptions (from the medicine cabinets belonging to their parents and grandparents) to get high. It is counted as one of the most important reasons to find a way to deal with left-over drugs.

Partnership for a Drug-Free American released their latest study to let us all know that 63 percent of America's teenagers in grades nine through twelve believe prescription drugs are easy to find and is as close as their parents' medicine cabinet. This percent is up from 56 percent last year.

Since the year 2000, this same study has shown in the same age group, 20 percent of the kids have abused prescription medication at least once. This trend is mostly occurring in the middle class segment because these relatively comfortable young people feel they can find relief from stress or score a cheap high without the risk of going to a drug dealer.

Pharm parties, the new generations answer to the "hairy buffalo" of the past has yet to be blamed for enough deaths to cause statistics to be available, but the Center for Disease Control is acknowledging in a recent report that deaths blamed on opiate-based prescription painkillers like Oxycontin have increased up to three times as many in the years from 1999-2006.